


Family Don't End With Blood

by didntwanderstillgotlost



Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Coda, Episode: s14e18 Absence, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didntwanderstillgotlost/pseuds/didntwanderstillgotlost
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: AU Where They Learned How to Translate Their Thoughts into Words Like Adult Humans [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571155
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Family Don't End With Blood

Cas watched Dean stare at the funeral pyre. He wanted to say something. Or just hug him. Anything to let him know how sorry he was that this happened. He started forward, but Sam stopped him. Cas looked at him and Sam shook his head.

“Sam, I—.”

“Give him time, Cas. He’s not in a place where he’ll listen to you right now. He’s more likely to throw a punch. Just leave him alone for a little while.” Cas nodded, but he couldn’t do that. He just couldn’t. Dean needed to know how bad he felt.

“You’re dead to me.” Those words were still ringing in Cas’s ears. Dean hadn’t meant them. He knew that much, because he was still talking to him. He was lashing out. That’s what Dean did when he was angry. He lashed out at the people he was closest to. Cas wasn’t unaccustomed to that, but Dean had never said something so…absolute before. It hurt.

Once the fire burned out and all that remained were a few smoldering ashes, Dean went back inside and went to his room. He wanted to be alone. He _needed_ to be alone. Everything had been fine just a few weeks ago. Michael was dead, Mom was alive, and Jack hadn’t gone full soulless freak. It was all too much too fast. The _only_ good thing that had come out of this entire situation was that Nick was dead. Sam could say whatever he wanted, Nick got what he deserved.

Dean sat back against his headboard and put his headphones on. Good music and old pictureswere the only way he knew how to cope. And a bottle or two of whiskey. He pulled one out from under his bed and broke the seal. The burning sensation washed out the bitter taste in his mouth. He drank a little more. He still loved Jack. He was family, he was their son, but…this? How could he forgive this? His mother was gone. Taken from him for a second time, and this time permanently. He fought back tears. He had cried enough lately. Crying wasn’t going to bring anyone back. Crying wasn’t going to fix Jack. Crying wasn’t going to take back what he said to Cas.

Guilt churned in his stomach. He shouldn’t have said that. He was angry and scared, and he lashed out at the one person he needed the most. He loved Sam, and he appreciated the support his little brother always gave him, but he knew Sam was hurting just as bad as he was. Sam needed to worry about himself. Cas was a rock when Dean needed him, and he was pushing him away, just like he always did. Dean heard a knock at his door over his music. He took his headphones off.

“Yeah?” His voice was hoarse so he cleared his throat. The door opened slowly and Cas took a small step into his room. Anger and guilt raged a war inside him, making Dean feel sick to his stomach.

“Dean—.”

“Save it, Cas.”

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care.” That was a lie. He cared too much. That was the problem. No matter what happened, he could never find it in himself to completely cut Cas out. Even when he tried, Cas always found a way back in. He had to draw the line somewhere, right?

“I should’ve told you about my concerns. I didn’t think…I didn’t want to _believe_ that Jack would do something like this. And I don’t think he meant to.”

“Like that makes a difference.”

“It does, though. Nothing can bring your mother back, and I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling. I’m so sorry about that. But if it was an accident, that means that Jack’s soul might not be completely gone.”

“Do you really believe that?” Dean stood up and crossed the room. “Do you really believe that Jack has any of his soul left? He burned Nick alive, and he vaporized Mom. How are those the actions of someone with a soul?”

Cas took a deep breath to keep from breaking. Dean wasn’t yelling at him, but the bitterness in his words stung. He wanted to reach out and touch him, let him know that he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how much he pushed him away. He resisted though, because Dean was more likely to break his arm than accept a gentle touch.

“Do you remember when Sam was soulless? He was completely detached. He didn’t care about anything or anyone. Not even you. He tried to fake it, but even you could sense that something was wrong. Jack seemed genuinely remorseful. I don’t think he meant for this to happen, and I think he wanted to make it right for you.”

“It doesn’t matter, Cas. Mom’s gone. How am I supposed to forgive that?” Cas broke. He reached out and put his hand on Dean’s arm, right where his handprint used to be. He felt a jolt of electricity. Dean must have too because he relaxed just a little.

“I’m not asking you to forgive him. Not right away. I’m asking you not to do something irreversible. He’s still our son, and until we know what’s wrong with him for sure, it’s our job to look out for him. He’s still a child, don’t forget. He needs help. We have to at least try.”

Dean swallowed. Cas was right, of course. Jack deserved as much of a chance as anyone else. And he _was_ just a child. He looked older, but he was barely two years old. Maybe it wasn’t fair for Dean to expect so much from someone who was still so naive.

“Of course we’ll try, but if he goes off the deep end…we have to stop him.”

“Stop, not kill.” Dean didn’t respond. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Cas, I…I’m sorry…about what I said earlier. You gotta know I didn’t mean it. We’re gonna fight cause that’s what family does, but I’d never…I can’t lose you like that.” Cas smiled for the first time in a while.

“I know. You tend to lash out when you’re angry. I try not to take it personally anymore. I appreciate the apology though. Your words…they hurt me. I never meant for any of this to happen. Mary…she was like a mother to me, and I know how deeply you loved her. I meant what I said. We’re a family. She was a part of that. An important part. I’m so sorry that this happened.” Cas pulled Dean into a warm hug before he could stop himself. He was surprised, and relieved, when Dean hugged him back.

The older Winchester held the angel tightly. He didn’t want to let go. He could feel tears springing to his eyes, but he didn’t care. This was Cas. Cas would let him cry without judgement, so he did. He cried until the shoulder of the angel’s trench coat was soaked through. Cas never said a word. He just held Dean against him and gently rubbed his back.

“You’ll be okay, Dean,” Cas said softly when the hunter’s sobs faded to soft hiccups. “It’ll take time, but you’ll be okay. She’s at peace. You have to remember that. She’s happy.” Dean nodded, lifting his head off Cas's shoulder.

“I know, Cas. Thanks.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes. “And I really am sorry. I’m an asshole.” Cas gave a half smile.

“Yes, you are. But you’re my asshole.” Dean’s breath hitched in his throat. It wasn’t quite a love confession, but it was close enough. He stared into Cas's bright blue eyes. There wasn’t a trace of self-consciousness. Cas meant it. Dean swallowed his nerves. Then he leaned in and gently brushed his lips against the angel’s. It was a quick kiss. Cas barely had time to react before Dean pulled away.

“I don’t deserve you. You put up with way too much of my bullshit.”

“Dean, everything you’ve ever said, or done, was out of love. Whether for me, or another person. Your words hurt sometimes, but I can get past that. It’s your actions that mean the most. And it’s not like I’m exactly innocent in all this. I’ve done more than my share of stupid stuff. My intentions were always good, but I know I’ve caused you a lot of pain over the years.”

“Not more than I’ve caused you. Most of my pain was from watching you die, knowing I had left everything unsaid. Knowing that my last words to you were horrible things I never meant to say. Every mistake you’ve ever made, you’ve found a way to fix it. I haven’t. Ten years of blaming you for things that I _know_ weren’t your fault just because I was hurting can’t be redeemed. I can never do enough to show you, or tell you, how sorry I am for every awful word I ever said to you out of pain or fear.” Dean hung his head, unable to maintain eye contact with the person he had hurt more than anyone. Cas cupped Dean’s cheek.

“I know how sorry you are. I know that when you yell, it’s because your afraid. I know that your words aren’t always your true feelings. Your true feelings are in your actions. All the times you never gave up on me, even when you should have. All the times you tried to save me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I would give my life for you, Dean. I have. And I know you would do the same, if I ever let you.”

“I would. I would die a million times over for you, Cas. It ain’t healthy, and it’s a little dysfunctional, but, I guess that’s kinda par for the course with us, ain’t it? Me and Sam have always been like that. Family’s all we got. And Jack is family. So we do what we do. We find a way to save him.”

“You mean that?”

“We’ve all got family blood on our hands. I love Mom, always will, but I love Jack, too. I’m not ready to forgive him. I won’t be for a while, but I won’t turn my back on him either.” Cas smiled.

“Thank you, Dean.” Dean returned the smile. There was still a long road ahead. They had to find Jack, they had to figure out just how much of his soul was gone, and they had to figure out how to fix it. It wasn’t going to be easy, and it was going to take time, but they were going to do it. Because Jack was family, and family meant nobody got left behind.


End file.
